Jim Dandy to the Rescue

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate." -Thornton Wilder

There are few greater joys in childhood than when your parents announce the family will be going out for ice cream that night. Immediately, visions of combinations of flavors and toppings flood your head like sugarplums on a sleepy Christmas Eve. Oh, the wondrous, endless possibilities. You dream of multiple scoops with multiple sauces, topped with whipped cream and a cherry. You even venture to imagine what it would be like to order and consume the Stanley Cup of ice cream sundaes: The Jim Dandy.

Five scoops of ice cream, marshmallow, strawberry, and chocolate topping, walnuts, bananas, sprinkles and whipped cream served in a massive goblet. A confectionery paradise that my siblings and I would clamor for any time my dad would agree to take us to Friendly's. We'd pile in the back of the car - four of us crammed in, dreaming of Jim Dandy's frozen goodness, vocalizing our wishes.

 Until...

"YOU"RE NOT GETTIN' A F*CKING JIM DANDY."

My dad had the ability to go from zero to maniac in less than six seconds. More like three. That's how little time it took him to crush our chilled dreams and dash our ice cream spirits.

"IT'S TOO MUCH. YOU'LL NEVER FINISH IT."

Ok... but do you have to yell like a madman? Ice cream was YOUR idea, crazy person. Excuse us for getting excited. Of course, we'd never say these things out loud, out of fear of a solid smack from Mr. Not-so-Softee. We'd end up getting a scoop or two. Maybe one topping. Two max. While DAD got a Jim Dandy. The hypocrite.

This little passion play took place so frequently that it has become part of my dad's legend. So for the first time, My Director and I decided to perpetuate that legend, and took Peanut for a Jim Dandy on Saturday.

She approves of this obnoxious concoction.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Stop on Pop

"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees." -Victor Hugo

THIS is gambling. (And creepy.)

Gambling isn't my thing. While I do enjoy fantasy football, filling out my NCAA tournament brackets, and the very occasional trip to the blackjack table, I'm no gambler. That is, at least some skill on my part needs to be involved for me to lay my own money on the line. I don't do slot machines, play the lottery, or amble up to those spinning wheels at the boardwalk or amusement park. Even if I'm going to lose a dollar, or a quarter, I want to do so knowing that my knowledge or ability had something to do with it. So I don't gamble, generally.

Except...

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Par for the Course

Playing miniature golf with Peanut is finally fun. She's able to play on her own. She's not a sore loser. And she genuinely enjoys it. But she does have trouble counting strokes. 

Let the video replay provide the evidence. Count the strokes, then see how many Peanut says she did it in:

She clearly completed that hole in four strokes, with an impressive shot to finish it if I do say so myself. There are two other videos just like this one. And I only started recording her antics after she had done this on several previous holes. I'm not sure if summer has sapped her counting skills, or if she's a cunning cheater disguised as a diplomatic, for-love-of-the game little girl. Either way, My Director and I are now vigilant, watching her every move on the golf course. 

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Five Simple Words

"Because if that little kid likes me, how bad could I be?" -Wreck-It Ralph

Father's Day. I don't ask for much. I don't ask for anything, actually. Anything tangible, that is. I went for a run and took three naps during the course of the day. Peanut and I watched Wreck-It Ralph, my new favorite movie. She and My Director made me breakfast. We walked the dogs and Peanut rode her bike in the park. That's all I needed. Some time to myself and some time with my ladies.

The best part of Father's Day, to me, is the homemade gifts from Peanut. In previous years, she made portraits of us. This year, however, she channeled her inner blogger and wrote about me. Here's what she wrote:

I was floored. This is what my daughter thinks of me? These are the words she chose to describe me? I was stunned to the point of asking My Director, "Does she even know me?"

Nice: This, I guess, is relative. I am nice to her. I am nice to most. But I can be very not nice at times. I can only assume I have done an excellent job of hiding faking it around her.

Calm: Huh? Me? Maybe I outwardly project calm. But she's never seen me in the control room at work. Dropping eff bombs like I'm getting paid a nickel per shot. On the inside, I am a whirlpool inside a tornado.

Kind: See "Nice" above.

Funny: Ok. Now she gets me. For example, instead of calling it "Father's Day," she mimicked me and called it "Fahz-sha's Day," like in the Austin Powers movie Goldmember:


Ticklish: Guilty as charged. But I will have you know that I am currently undefeated in tickle fights in my household. You mess with the bull you get the horns.

As amused and touched as I was by Peanut's words, I still had a difficult time believing them. Even though My Director insisted Peanut chose them herself. No coaching or coaxing from her teacher. Then I read what My Director wrote in her card to me:

Your daughter will always allow you to see yourself in the best way possible. Believe in what she sees.

Someday I hope to be half the man my daughter thinks I am.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Restore the Shore

Tidal waves don't beg forgiveness. Crashed and on their way. -Pearl Jam

My first clue was the lack of traffic as we headed south on the Garden State Parkway. For it being the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, we glided down the Parkway with amazing ease. We made it to my mom's house in no time. We decided to go to the Boardwalk in Seaside Heights for lunch, since it was "open for business."

My second clue was the ease with which we found parking on the Boulevard. Even for a windy day the day after a wash out, the shore was not busy for a holiday weekend. The quick walk up the ramp explained everything...

The rides on Casino Pier are still
waiting for the pier to be built.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Drawing Clumsy

I often wonder, when is it we begin to lose our imagination? When do we stop dreaming the impossible, and start to stare cold hard reality in the face? When did things get so complicated, that we can't find the simple solution?

One night for homework, Peanut had to come up with six words that start with "cl" and draw a picture of each thing. One of her words, she decided, would be "clumsy." I loved that she chose this word. But my black-and-white adult brain silently wondered, "How is she going to draw clumsy?" It's so abstract. I couldn't imagine how one would draw an adjective.

So I waited. I helped her spell the words she chose. And I waited for her finished product:

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Rest in Pink

It is with minimal sadness that we inform you of the death of Pinky, our hermit crab. She lasted a lot longer than we ever wished. Pinky arrived in our family on the 4th of July during a beach vacation last summer and proceeded to become one of its more high maintenance members.

Pinky's shell serves as a gravestone.

Upon hearing the news of Pinky's passing, Peanut immediately asked, "Can we get another one?" When we pushed her about the moderate seriousness of the situation - death - she then became sad and blamed My Director for not taking good enough care of Pinky.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Pinky was fed nightly leftovers from our dinner table, much to Luna's chagrin. In fact, she often got to exercise ON the dinner table during dinner. She even inspired her own Christmas song.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Small Moments

Peanut came home from school yesterday with a stack of her writing work. Over the past few months, she and her classmates have been working on writing about "Small Moments." Here's how her teacher described the assignment:

"We taught the children to value tiny moments from their lives. We taught them that as writers we hold these moments in our minds and hearts, then we make a story about them."

Basically, for the past two months, Peanut has been doing in class what her dad has been doing on this blog since two months before she was born. I thought that was pretty cool.

Here are some of my favorite highlights:

"I was going to the American Girl doll store."
I love how she spells American: "uy mirikin." And how she
went there in a motor home with duck lips.

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Making Movie Magic

Peanut's birthday lasted three days this year. Considering it encompassed a five-day trip to Disney last year, I think we let ourselves off easy this time around. We are finally coming down from the euphoria of the birthday weekend. A movie-themed birthday weekend. Staying true to her name, My Director outdid herself. This was her opus:

Those are popcorn-shaped cake pops,
with marshmallows at the bottom for
the "popcorn effect.

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Little Miss Wonderful

Six years ago today, we finally met. The doctor put you into my arms and the wondering about what it would be like suddenly stopped. There we were, face to face. It was love at first sight.

"So nice to finally meet you."

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: The Dog Ate My Homework

Peanut turns six this week. Can ya believe that nonsense? But before she hits that number, she hit another, less-significant but still mind-boggling one: 100 Days of School.

Apparently this is a big deal now. Such a big deal that a project is required. For Kindergarten. And being the forgetful procrastinators we are, we had to scramble together said project at the last minute on Sunday night:

That's 100 Cheerios made
into the number 100. Fancy.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Paying Money to Walk Funny

I never skied growing up. My first time on skis was in high school, and I was so terrible that I almost killed myself and several other people on that otherwise lovely mountain in the Poconos. My Director, on the other hand, did grow up skiing. Every winter. Not very athletic herself, she is nonetheless as graceful as a gazelle on skis. 

We decided we want Peanut to be a skier. Or to at least know how to ski so we can go as a family a couple of times a winter and build some memories. She, on the other hand, is rarely receptive to new things:

Not loving all of the gear she has to wear.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Puppy Love

There are not many certainties in this world. Not may things we can really bank on. But when the chips are down, and I'm down and out on the couch, sweating out Man Cold, I can count on this:

I had two days of this.

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Vacation All I Ever Wanted

This year has not gotten off to the start I had anticipated. January was a tougher-than-expected month. While I try to embrace a renewed sense of optimism that comes with New Year's Day, some forces took hold of me shortly thereafter. A combination of work stress, winter blahs, and frustration and boredom of the routine conspired to make that month not as productive, and unfortunately not as embraced, as I would have hoped.

Then February came. I was managing to shake free of those blahs. We even faced and conquered the blizzard that dumped more than a foot of snow on us. But soon thereafter, I was struck with Man Cold. This winter is kicking my a$$. (You may have also noticed I haven't been blogging as regularly as you've come to expect.) While I don't like to complain about the weather since we choose to live here in the northeast, this winter has been the clincher, convincing My Director and I to move someplace warmer when it's time to retire. We may even start taking warm-weather vacations starting next winter. And that got me thinking of warmer times in warmer climates:

Nearly a year ago, we went on our DKL Disney Adventure.

Last summer, Peanut declared one day in particular the Best Day Ever.

One of my favorite memories with Peanut was when we decided to  Go Fly a Kite.

A whirlwind, cross-continental, two-country trip taught me a very valuable lesson. It's What I Learned on My Summer Vacation.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: We're Off to See the Blizzard

Snow brings out the kid in all of us. Here's how we spent our winter weekend... when I wasn't shoveling:

Queen of the Snow

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: All These Things That You've Done

There are so many great and memorable images of Peanut from 2012. But if I had to choose one to sum up her year, it's this one:

Her first day of school.
Nothing but confidence.

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Welcome, Christmas

Christmas Day will always be
Just as long as we have we

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Ghosts of Christmas Cards Past

We take pride in our annual Christmas card. It's one of our favorite, if not our favorite, non-traditional traditions. We are not the kind of people who pose for perfect pictures, or would pose our child for a perfect picture, to evoke an image of the perfect family for our friends, colleagues, and loved ones. No. No. No. Family is not perfect. It is most certainly, and wonderfully, imperfect. We must laugh at our imperfections every chance we get. Here is the image and caption from our first-ever family Christmas card, sent the year after we were married:

2003: "Here's hoping the holidays
don't make you NUTS."

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: Comfort and Joy

A long time ago, even before My Director was around, I started a collection. This collection has turned into somewhat of a tradition. But like some traditions, it may be time to retire this one. Pretty much everywhere we go, I insist on getting a shot glass as a memento. Even though my days of chugging Rumple Minze two ounces at a time are long behind me, we have dozens of them:

How COOL is that Nashville one?

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THE PEANUT GALLERY: If a Tree Falls in the House

Some unexpected traffic on the bus ride home meant I would be a little later than normal. So I texted My Director with some basic instructions on how to get dinner started. This way, I could get a jump start on cooking as soon as I got home:

"Can you put some water on for brown rice and heat the oven to 350 please?"

I was planning to make pan-seared tilapia over brown rice with baked Brussels sprouts and bacon. Yum. Her response was quick, and unexpected:

"Our tree fell over. Have to deal with that right now."

I have to admit, I laughed a little when I read that. Have to deal with that right now? Ya think? A classic line from my straight man. When I got off the bus, a stunned Peanut met me at the corner. "Daddy, you're NOT going to believe this." She escorted me inside. My little girl was beside herself. But not because of this:

Yes. That's My Director working on the tree
while I snap pictures for the blog. Priorities.

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