Lion King 2: Scarred For Life

"The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride" (1998/Rated G): In a perfect world, I would watch every movie before we show it to Peanut. Then again, there are only 24 hours in a day. Thirteen of them are dedicated to working and commuting. Peanut gets three. My Director and I get maybe two. So that leaves five hours to sleep. Six at best. In other words, I'm not wasting two hours watching Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, making sure there isn't any gratuitous violence or sexual innuendo. Especially since My Director and I are currently burning through Breaking Bad on Netflix like a couple of meth addicts ourselves. (Closing in on the end of season four.)

So when Peanut watched this movie one Saturday morning, it served as a backdrop as I made breakfast and fussed around the kitchen cleaning up remnants of the week that was. My Director had recorded it on DVR and told Peanut she had done it. So she asked to watch it. (Reason number two that I have given up the "watch it first" fight. Nice idea. Just not plausible.)

In fact, we did it backwards this time. After Peanut watched it, mostly without me, I wanted it see it myself. Yes I was the one requesting it later that weekend. Why? Because what I heard couldn't be right.

"Where did all of these bad lions come from?" I asked when I finally had a chance to focus on the movie.

"They're Scar's family."

"When did Scar have a family?"

"Remember in the last movie, daddy?"

When did this happen?

No. Scar was laying in his lair with an imprisoned Zazu after killing Mustafa and banishing Simba. When Simba returned, the lionesses (and hyenas) turned on Scar. Right? There was no hint of a wife or kids. Right? Apparently, he was very busy behind the scenes and those details were left on the cutting room floor when the first Lion King was edited.

So in this sequel, they spin a tale of a banished pride, starving and plotting to overtake Simba. One of Scar's descendants, Kovu (hockey player name), is their chosen heir. Kovu, it is vaguely mentioned, is not actually Scar's son. Supposedly. That's a relief, since he ends up falling in love with Simba's daughter, Kiara. If he were Scar's son, that would make them cousins. Second cousins to be exact. Kissing cousins. And that sh!t ain't cool no matter where you live, the Mississippi Delta or the Serengeti.

Besides the possible kissing cousins aspect, how about adding deadbeat dad to Scar's murderous resume? The whole kingdom was starving because he had made a deal with the hyenas and all he was doing was laying in his cave torturing poor Zazu?

Poor, tortured Zazu

Obviously, these things are all lost on a five year-old. Lion King 2 is basically a mirror image of the first one, with similar themes, fight scenes, and music. Is it ok for a my daughter to watch? Sure. Does it evoke more questions than answers for adults? Yes, just as much as kissing cousins do.

I had some fun with the issues I had with Lilo & Stitch too. You can read about it here.