Tuesday, January 10, 2012

What the Hell Was I Thinking?

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." - George Burns

I'm an ideas guy. It's how I make my living, after all. I take my and others' ideas and make compelling television out of them. But this...this was MY idea.

My Director and I decided to finally succumb to the wicked yet awesome power of the princesses, join the mainstream and take Peanut to Disney World. But when? Well, what better time than her birthday in March? We avoid a pricey birthday party with all of those unnecessary (but appreciated) gifts and make her 5th birthday (holy crap she's turning 5?!?!) special.

This, despite my penchant for penny pinching and insistence on not spoiling her. Sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell." We've realized over the past few months that due to physical, emotional, financial, and professional factors, Peanut may ultimately be an only child. So we're no longer going to wait to do the things we want to do with her. And if Peanut's going to be "all in" on princesses, we're going to be "all in" on taking her to see them if and when we can.
photo from www.wdwforgrownups.com
You may be asking, "That's the idea you're talking about? Disney? Big deal, DKL." No. The idea - or bad idea, depending on how you look at it - is going with my in-laws. Not just going with them, but staying in the same room with them.

Maybe I can sleep in that volcano
I'm not talking about a suite here, either, people. Two queen beds side-by-side with a pull-out for Peanut. One bathroom. Let me allow that last part about the one bathroom sink in again while I remind you I am lactose intolerant. One piece of cheese and I'm a ticking time bomb counting down to a volcanic eruption. Something tells me there will be multiple sightings of DKL scurrying through the lobby of the Polynesian Resort squeezing his cheeks with a newspaper under his arm. By the third morning, I expect to be on a first-name basis with the restroom attendants.

And these people - my in-laws - are old, mind you. They snore. They will probably have a lot of unusual toiletries displayed on the vanity that will cause me to become uncomfortable with a mere glance. My father-in-law has to sleep hooked up to machines because of sleep apnea.

"Your dad has to check that machine of his onto the plane?" I asked.

"Of course he does," My Director responded. "If he doesn't have it he could stop breathing and die." Well that would spoil the vacation, now wouldn't it?

Yes it was my idea. To save money... and it did. Saved us thousands. My Director was the one who hesitated. "Really?" She asked while checking my forehead for signs of fever. "Absolutely," I said without pause. "If you want the pricey resort we're staying in one room."

After the trip was booked and we enjoyed some birthday cake in honor of my father-in-law's 64th, Peanut asked for more ice cream. My mother-in-law, forever the chronic spoiler, automatically chimed in with an instant, "Oh, sure." Of course. Why shouldn't she have more ice cream? It is her birthright, after all.

"Disney ought to be a blast," I deadpanned.

Then, overcompensating, my mother-in-law, suggested, "Maybe I shouldn't go."

That's not going to happen.

What the hell was I thinking?

Maybe I'll just sleep by the pool.


  1. You're brave. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

  2. Welcome to the hell that is my life. EVERY time we go to Disney we go with my inlaws. Same room, not my idea. I have never been in favor of it as they are harder to take control than my kids. My MIL always thinks she is doing us a favor by going, but that has never been the case. Her idea of baby sitting is us going out at 1:00 am long after the kids are asleep and she has rousted herself from a four hour nap.

    She is trying to butt herself into our next trip to California, but I will have nothing of it. Save me!

  3. Maybe the lobby couches will be really comfy, I bet they are close to the bathroom.

  4. Dude. Dude! You are screwed. We did DWorld with the inlaws last year and I am scarred (literally by how many times my father-in-law rammed into me with his uncontrolled rental motorized wheelchair.) I SO badly want to write about it!!

  5. Disney is the best place on earth you're guna love it. I've got loads of tips in my guides to life on the best places to get pissed in the parks if the "magic" gets too much xx

  6. Where to begin
    @Jen - you don't have kids. of course disney would be great to run around and get pissed. And I don't think you have inlaws either, so you may as well live in a different universe. Please rescue me.
    @DKL - We went last year and stayed at a medium level resort and it was totally fine. Kids don't know any better and its not like the parents get to take advantage of a staying at a nice resort. I'd stay in an RV rather than stay with my family in one room.
    But if this is all planned, a few tips:
    1) Get a stroller, every day. You will get through so much faster with peanut on wheels.
    2) Plan on eating lunch early - 11ish, peanut will be hungry from all the excitement and you will already be at wits end. If you are on the meal plan, we found it was better to have a nice sit down lunch than dinner as everyone is wiped by dinner. But peanut is a girl and not a monster like my two guys so maybe not that bad.
    3) Normally I would say bring valium, but if you are in a room with inlaws, you may need something stronger - Lithium, Qualudes, do they make those anymore?
    you are much braver than me

  7. I've banned ever going to Disney for this exact reason. Thank you for new information to show my wife next time she asks.

  8. No way would I stay in the same room with MY parents, let alone my in-laws. It's the snoring and various bottles and pills that would get me crazy. No. No. No. Can't wait for the photos - of the room.

  9. HI! Love your blog - long time reader, first time poster (I think)

    OK, how much did you drink when this brilliant idea popped in your head? WTH man?! Really?

    I hardly want to share a room with my 2.5 yr old when I go on vacation, let alone my in-laws!! AND there's a sleep machine involved?!

    Good luck ..really, good luck!! :)

  10. Good Lord in heaven, no.

    I have a CPAP machine for apnea and it won't be that big a deal. Trust me, you'll be happy he uses it since he won't be snoring all night long.

    But still...you're sharing a room with your in-laws AND your kids. Best of luck, you're going to need it.

    In regards to Bob's suggestions, I would recommend a carrier so you can wear your kid over a stroller. They're smaller and easier to carry around when Peanut wants to walk. Just my two cents worth.

  11. Stroller all the way! Then you have some place to put all the crap your in-laws get for peanut. We also packed snacks so no bank robbing was necessary to feed the kid for the day. She's a picky eater. Lol!


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