Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Have a Little Faith

"I will hold you up because your love it gives me strength enough." -John Hiatt

My wife and I are struggling with when, and whether, to have a second child. Had she not taken her current job last year, we very well may have a baby right now. But she did, and we don't.

So, we planned to start trying to have a baby this fall, in time for early next summer. (Assuming everything goes "swimmingly.")

But, as John Lennon sang, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. We're not really sure we're two-child people. It has nothing to do with being "ready." It has nothing to do with loving the second child.

It just has to do with us. Who were are. The life we're living. The life we want to give the Peanut.

Are we complete?
My wife recently asked me if I felt our family is complete as is, the three of us. (Four with Luna.) She was surprised when I said yes. Not that I don't want or wouldn't love another child. I just believe the Peanut does complete us.

I'm not one of these guys who feels the need to reproduce to carry on the family name. In the 21st century, I feel my strong-minded, independent daughter is very well capable of representing the family and passing on the tradition however she sees fit. And we're also not a couple who absolutely has to have another child.

Sometimes we do think we need to have one. Whether it's peer pressure, or family pressure, or Peanut pressure. Yes, the Peanut wants a sibling. So she says. And there is a part of us that wants to have a baby so she can have a sibling. So she has someone to go to other than us, especially since we won't be around forever.

While that's definitely a better reason than peer pressure or pressure from our parents... is it still enough of a reason?

There's also, I must admit, the financial reason. Right now, we live somewhat comfortably. And once Peanut is out of daycare, we'll be able to take nice vacations and finally put a decent chunk away for college each month. If we have a second, we wouldn't be able to do either of those things for either child for at least another five years, if ever.
Nothing could have ever prepared us for this
My wife and I are planners. And we totally get that you could plan for a child all you want and never really be ready. Physically, emotionally, or financially. Were we really ready for the first? Is anybody?

So we struggle. It's not a matter of love. Because we will love any child who blesses our family. We just don't have an answer. But I did think about it and pray about it after my wife asked me that question about whether I think we're a complete family. The spiritual person and the narcissist in me both think we are depriving the world of a life if we don't have a second child. That might sound a little crazy, but it's how I feel.

Once I was done thinking and praying, I looked at my wife and said the only thing I could think of. Because I am still siding with having a second, despite the concerns.

"I honestly have no idea how we'd do it," I told her. "But I just have faith in us."

Sometimes I think that's all we need. Call me an optimist.

We've been talking about whether we're "ready" for quite some time.


  1. Totally gotta have faith. In case you were worried that your daughter "needs" to have a sibling, I think you just gotta go with whatever happens. I was an only child and while at times, I wished for a sibling, as an adult, I am happy to be just all to myself. :)

  2. My husband and I have had very similar conversations. When I tell people we *may* not have another child, they say something like, "Oh, well, yeah, it's a lot of work. I can see why you wouldn't want to do it again." But it isn't the work.

    Anyway, I'm rambling, but I just want to say I'm glad to see someone else who "gets" it. I think we'll probably end up with a second, but it will be well considered before we do.


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