THE PEANUT GALLERY: Cut the Cake Already

Sometimes a picture says it all. So after receiving links to thousands of pictures from dozens of people who attended by brother-in-law's wedding a few weeks ago, I have unearthed this gem. It is by far the best picture from the event, in my opinion:

Peanut and My Director waiting for cake

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Defining Love

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1Corinthians 13:4-7

We clean up nicely

My Director, Peanut, and I were blessed to witness and be a big part of my brother-in-law's wedding this past weekend. He is the little brother I never had. (And as I often joke with him, never really wanted.) But of course that's not true. Truth is, My Director's brother is one of the kindest, most genuine, loving, forgiving, and thoughtful people I know. So is his bride. I guess it runs in the family because My Director is the same way.

She and I gave what amounts to the sermon at the ceremony. We spoke about love, mostly their love. We opened it with the passage I quoted above. While working on our remarks, I reflected on the love My Director and I share. I may be one of the few guys who is willing to admit that he enjoys wedding ceremonies. I do because they allow me to remember being up there, telling the world that I love this person and will honor and cherish her for the rest of my life. They remind me of our love. How we've endured, grown, evolved over nearly fifteen years together; nearly ten of them married. How we're still just as in love as we were when we first met, if not more. 

So on this happy occasion, here are some of my thoughts on love:

Love is giving yourself to another person. Your whole self. Love is not holding back.

Love is walking around naked in front of your partner without fear of judgment or embarrassment.

Love is carrying someone when they are not at their best.

Love is not telling them they're not at their best, just understanding and knowing and doing everything you can to help them through it.

Love is being the stronger person when your partner is hurting. Love is taking their sh1t no matter what it is because you know they are struggling. And it breaks your heart to see them like that.

Love is not bringing it up when they are better. 

Love is not expecting anything in return, except love.

Love is not keeping score.

Love is laughing, all of the time. Laughing until it hurts in the good times. Laughing until you cry in the bad times.

Love is having a bad day but forgetting about it when you get home because she's maybe having a worse one.

Love is sacrificing. 

Love is doing things you don't want to do, acting like you normally might not act, because it will make her happy.

Love is revolving most of your autumn Sundays around what time the Jets are playing, because your irrational husband is a fanatic. But it makes him happy.

Love is not complaining when you're done cleaning the kitchen and you finally sit down to watch some television and your wife is enjoying that day's General Hospital on DVR. (Because you know most fall Sundays are all about the J-E-T-S.)

Love is saying "Coxsackie" when you pass the sign for that town's exit on the New York State Thruway because you know your husband is a big child and it makes him giggle:

(cock*SACK*ee) Makes me laugh every time.

Love is knowing without asking.

Love is doing without checking first.

Love is saying "No problem" when all you want to say is, "Are you kidding me?!"

Love is rising to the occasion.

Love is saying you're sorry.

Love is fixing it so there isn't a next time.

Love will surprise you.

Love will also make you wonder why you're so surprised.

Love is being happy just being together.

Love isn't easy. It's work. That's why it's so worth it.

Love is infinite.

Love is proof that everything happens for a reason. Here's our proof. 

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Father of the Bride

"You stop worrying about her meeting the wrong guy, and you worry about her meeting the right guy. That's the greatest fear of all because then you lose her." -George Banks in Father of the Bride


We all went to #34

My wife and I recently attended another wedding. I say "another" because we've now been to 36 weddings in our 14 years together, not including our own.

You can say we're wedding professionals. East coast, west coast. Winter spring, summer, fall. We've seen it all.

Us at #35

You know who I couldn't keep my eyes off of? The bride's dad. Because that's going to be me some day. It used to be, I would focus on the groom. That was me once. I liked to watch his reaction upon seeing his bride for the first time. It's pretty cool. I nearly lost my cool up there when I saw my soon-to-be wife, a stunning, glowing, floating angel approaching me.

While I still do watch the groom, the bride's dad is who I'm most fascinated by now.

And this father of the bride did not disappoint. He was a big, sweaty, hulking mess. He was crying and he wasn't even trying to hide it as he and his wife walked their only daughter down the aisle. And once they were at the altar, he was constantly dabbing at his eyes, and getting emotional all over again.

I wondered what was going through his mind. The first time he held her? The first day of school? The first time a bone was broken? The first time her heart was broken?

What will I think of?

"It's so nice to finally meet you."

Maybe the first time I held her when I said, "It's so nice to finally meet you."

Or maybe those times that I get to spend alone with her, one-on-one, if my wife is working late or staying in the city for a night out with her friends. I often make it a daddy-daughter date night. We go out to eat, maybe get ice cream, and go home and watch a movie. Maybe I'll think of her looking across the table at me while she amuses herself by simply sipping a glass of ice water through a straw.

These are some of my favorite times. The times I get to be the one to read all of the books and sing all of the songs and wipe all of the tears and give all of the hugs.

Now, there's a reason why the pending nuptials of my 4 year-old daughter are so fresh in my mind.

One day recently, as I entered my daughter's classroom to pick her up from daycare, a little boy came up to me. A classmate of hers. He walked over as I squatted down for a hug and kiss. He looked me in the eye and asked me, "Can I marry (your daughter)?" I didn't know what to say. I turned to her and asked her, "Do you want to marry this guy?"

She thought about it, shifted her eyes as if she were looking to some far off place, then said whimsically and dismissively, "Ok."

Weddings suit her.

And that was that.

As we drove home I turned around to look at her as we were stopped at a red light. She sits in a booster now. Not a baby seat or a toddler seat anymore. She held her Lammie and sucked her thumb... just as she has since she started doing it so many years ago now. She was staring out the window, unwinding from a busy day of learning and playing. In that moment I thought to myself... my little girl is growing up so fast.

She's going to be married in no time. And just like that dad this weekend... that big, tough man with the thick Long Island (or LawnGUYlind) accent... I am going to be a mess.

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