Calling All Dads

"There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.”~ Sue Atkins

There has been a considerable amount of outrage lately throughout the dad community, particularly the dad blogging community, over a label. In its “Who’s Minding the Kids?” report, the U.S. Census Bureau refers to stay-at-home dads as “child care,” even though those dads are obviously the primary care providers in the family. Essentially, babysitters. The report also lists moms as the “designated parent” if both a mom and dad exist in the household, or in single-parent homes. But dads, stay-at-home dads in particular, are not happy.

Of course, moms have been the traditional primary caregiver pretty much since the beginning of time. Over the past decade or so, a small shift has occurred and more dads are staying home with the kids. Still, we dads have a long way to go before we catch up in the child-care street-cred department.

Just be the best parent you can be.

But that’s not stopping involved dads from circulating a petition to put us on equal footing with moms when dads are the “designated parent.”  I signed the petition in solidarity with the dads I know and admire. Dads who stay at home and take care of the family. Or Dads who, like me, work but are active participants in the lives of their children.

Read more ...

I Can't Get Used To This

"My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines. Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them. I'm losing it." -Jack Butler, Mr. Mom

I don't know why stay-at-home dads complain so much. Complain about their kids not eating. Complain about them not listening. Complain about all of the housework. If you ask me, stay-at-home dads have it pretty darn good.

Or so I thought after I took two days off just for myself in mid-July. My Director was at work. Peanut was at daycare. I had the house to myself. I went for a run, I got errands done, I completed some projects around the house. And those were just the mornings. In the afternoon, I made Starbucks my hangout and I got a lot of writing done. "This is the life," I thought to myself.

My Director thought the same thing, even though she was working. As I dropped her off at the train station for a second straight morning, she said, "I can get used to this."

"Don't," I replied.

I bet she can. But in reality, we both need to work. We both want to work. And even if I were a stay-at-home dad, Peanut wouldn't be in full-time daycare. Half day? Sure. I look back on those two days fondly. I was busy. I got a lot done. And I still cooked fresh meals both days. And it was relaxing.

That was not the case two other days later in the month. When it was just me and Peanut. We try to keep her out of daycare enough to save a month's worth of tuition during summer. And if we're not on vacation, I take off from work to be with her.

On the first day, we were leaving for a quick family vacation as soon as My Director got home from work. I remember looking at the clock at one point in the morning. It read just 8:30am. I was knee deep in laundry. (I needed it for the trip). Peanut hadn't eaten anything. (She "wasn't hungry.") Hell the dog hadn't even peed. (She's high maintenance.)

Some enjoy laundry. I don't

Serenity now.

I quickly tweeted my angst and almost immediately, John, stay-at-home dad extraordinaire from Daddy's in Charge? answered. "Run errands," he suggested. Oh, I've got errands. We're going to IKEA. Big mistake. The whole IKEA experience with Peanut got its own blog post.

Two things I learned in my two days as a stay-at-home dad: First, there's a lot of watching the clock. Stay-at-home dads are like football coaches running a two-minute offense at the end of the half. Budgeting their time and their time outs. Second, you need a game plan. You need activities for pretty much every minute of the day. We did this when she was a baby. How come we don't do this anymore? When did we lose control?

On my second stay-at-home day, I did have a plan. We ate breakfast and went to the playground. I followed Peanut on each piece of equipment. I noticed a little boy who couldn't have been more than eighteen months old was all by himself on one of the slides. I said out loud, "I bet your parents are paying someone a lot of money not to watch you on the playground." Then I noticed another little boy knock over a girl whose mother was busy talking on her cell phone. Mortified, the boy's mother quickly apologized. I said, "That may not have happened if she wasn't talking on the phone."

I realized then I would make very few friends at the playground if I were a stay-at-home dad. But I would discover her doing new and exciting things I'd never seen her do before. Like this:

You can see annoying, unattended little boy
invading Peanut's personal space

We came back for lunch, and I was going to take the Peanut to see the Jets at training camp. (She is a Giants fan, much to my chagrin. I'm doing what I can to subtly influence her opinion.) But they moved practice inside because of thunderstorms. Crap.

I had no backup plan. So we played princesses. We made a train out of her little chairs and I was the conductor. We watched Cinderella. We watched the same freakin' episode of Strawberry Shortcake on Netflix three times. I was going a little insane.

The train thing is kind of my specialty

At 4pm I called My Director at work. "Any chance you're coming home early?" Nope.

She then told me if I didn't let her off the phone she wouldn't get her work done in time to leave.

"Well, is your assistant there? Does she want to talk to me?" (Often when I call, My Director's assistant will pick up and we will strike up a conversation. She's very friendly.)

"No, she's not at her desk," my wife told me. "You're really struggling for some adult conversation, aren't you?"

Yes. Yes I am.

"You'd never make it as a stay-at-home dad."

No... I wouldn't. This is why I think my friend John is himself slowly going insane. And why I enjoy reading his blog.

This is also why I couldn't wait to go back to my high-pressure, deadline-filled, demanding job in television news. So I can relax.

This post originally appeared on Daddy's in Charge? last summer. Thanks to John for posting it on his site. Please check out his blog. He does awesome videos starring Legos and even did one featuring me and the Peanut right here on DKL. You can also follow him on Facebook or Twitter.

And if you want to know what happened when me and Peanut went to IKEA, click here.

Read more ...

Memo to Parents: We ALL Work Hard

Time for me to come clean about something. I have a little bit of stay-at-home mom envy. Just a little. It manifests itself at peculiar times. For instance, as a working dad I take great joy in picking up Peanut before the stay-at-homes have. Yes, it's completely irrational especially when you consider those kids get dropped off later than Peanut. Sometimes as much as an hour and a half later.

My Director and I have convinced ourselves that working makes us the best parents we could be. Still I find myself leaving work early, or skipping the gym or my run more often than not, and getting Peanut before my usual 5:45 pickup time. Peanut notices. She sees it's lighter out. She knows we have time to take a nice walk in the park with Luna, or watch a whole movie if she needs down time. And that matters to me.

Call it working parent's guilt. Because as much as I may believe we are providing her the best life we can, there are always doubts. But then I think about the few times I have stayed home with Peanut for a few days at a time, and it makes me shudder with fear. Granted, those were times during the summer when we keep her out of daycare to save money. So under normal circumstances, she'd be in school for a good part of the day. Still, the thought makes me tremble. I don't envy stay-at-home parents. I think they have the toughest job in the world. And this from a guy who is up at four every morning, going non-stop until his show is over at 11 in the very stressful, fast-paced, competitive field of network news. But being a stay-at-home parent is infinitely more difficult.

That's why when I heard what political mouthpiece Hilary Rosen said about Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, who stayed at home and raised five boys, I felt insulted on behalf of stay-at-home parents. Rosen said that Romney has "never worked a day in her life." Wow. Few things if any could be more insulting.

Rosen (left) insulted Romney (right)

Call it a poor choice of words or call it a calculated political attack. No matter what you call it, I'm going to put politics aside and take her comments at face value. First, I don't think anyone can argue that being a stay-at-home parent is hard work. And potentially nerve-racking. If you don't have a routine, or something planned, you find yourself staring at the clock at 11 a.m. wondering what the hell you're going to do for the next seven hours. And that's just me. With just one. For a day. 

Second, let's stop calling it a luxury when a parent stays at home. This isn't a job just for rich women. Just ask any family that chooses to forego some luxuries - a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood, a newer car, etc. - in order to have a parent stay at home. For the most part, this isn't a privilege. It's a choice. An economic choice. And a parenting choice.

I will concede that for perhaps some, Ann Romney included, staying at home is a privilege. But the Romneys weren't always rich. And yet she stayed at home. Maybe she had a nanny once money wasn't an issue. Maybe she didn't. We don't know. Maybe we'll find out eventually. But to dismiss a woman's role as a stay-at-home mom just because she's rich is also insulting. And wouldn't you welcome a helping hand if it were available? I know I would.

My Director and I often joke that we each don't think we could handle the stress of being a stay-at-home parent. True, on occasion we second guess our decision to both work, and to build a lifestyle based on a two-income household. Yet there's no regret. I fully support her career, and have even put my professional goals on hold the past few years because she had the opportunity to reach some of hers. But all things being equal, deep down if we could we both would jump at the chance to stay at home. I think a lot of us would. And that's even knowing how tough it is. 

For now we've built a life, a family, around two working parents. We both have two jobs, in fact. One of them pays the bills. The other pays great dividends.

Read more ...

DKL in Legos (from Daddy's in Charge?)

And now for something completely different - and awesome - on DKL. A guest post. But not just any guest post. It's the first guest post on DKL that is not by my wife. This is from my friend John at Daddy's in Charge?


John and I used to work together in television news way before my wife was my wife and definitely way before we had the Peanut. It was obviously way before he was a stay-at-home dad. John is a photographer. As a producer, his job is crucial to my show's success because it's obviously tough to make compelling TV without pictures (video). 


He's one of the best at what he does but after his wife earned a big new job, he decided to stay at home. Soon after, he started a blog. One of the coolest things he does is movies starring himself and his family as Legos. He was cool enough to do one about me (I'm wearing a tie!) and the Peanut (she has a fairy wand!) for right here on DKL:

Stay at Home Dad... Starring Legos

Lego John visits DKL

I am just your average Stay-at-Home Lego with two awesome little boys. They are equal parts cool and crazy. I am not going to sit here and tell you that being a stay-at-home parent is easy. There are certainly things that drive you nuts. First and foremost, my house is full of minifigures just like me - firefighters, police officers, construction workers, Indiana Jones, guys from Star Wars. You name it, there is a Lego minifigure somewhere in my house.

Sometimes you just have to get away. I recently went to Legoland where I met Darth Vader. It was the coolest thing I have ever done in my life... until now. When Justin asked me to make a guest appearance on his blog I jumped at the chance. I mean how cool is that? A Lego guy that's in demand. I'll have to get my agent involved. Anyway, when Justin told me that being a stay-at-home parent was easy, little did he know how his day would go:



Normally I would be the star of these movies. But after all, this is his blog... and a fine one at that. I couldn't in my right mind completely hijack it, so if you wish to see more of ME in action, like how I found a snake in my yard, or when I debated whether to take my kids camping, come on over to Daddy's in Charge?

John's obviously a talented a photographer and editor. The videos and pictures he posts on his blog are great. But he's a hell of a writer too. He's also fun to chat with on Facebook or Twitter because like I've said before... he's slowly losing his mind... and he's desperate for adult conversation.

If you missed my post on John's blog about my two days as a stay-at-home dad that had me begging to go back to work, you can read it here.

Read more ...

Be Our Guest



I'm Lumiere (our noses are similar.)
John is Cogsworth (but he's not as uptight.)

This is a big day for DKL. For the first time ever, I am guest posting on someone else's blog. So please hop on over to Daddy's in Charge? and check it out.

Daddy's in Charge? is written by my friend and former colleague John . He's now a stay-at-home dad and after a couple of days of doing the same this summer, I realized I was in for a lot more than I had bargained for. Prepare to laugh and then check out John's blog too while you're there. He does very entertaining videos starring Legos. And he made one starring me and the Peanut! It will debut right here on DKL tomorrow! How cool is that?

For now, hop on over to Daddy's in Charge? and read my post and enjoy!

Read more ...