A Fair Share

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." -Winston Churchill

Sharing. Fairness. They are a cornerstone of parenting, childhood, and a current political debate. As parents, we begin to instill in our children the all-important concept of sharing at a very early age. And as soon as they can speak, children will soon declare that no matter what you decide, no matter how things are split up, it's not fair. That they are somehow being wronged. To me, that is essentially the cornerstone of the political argument over whether some people pay their "fair share" of taxes. If you ask me, the politicians who spew that talking point sound like whiney children too.

My feelings on this issue were solidified recently during a fun and innocent game we play with Peanut. The game is called "Elefun." Do you know it? A mini air blower that comes in the shape of an elephant shoots paper butterflies up its very long, plastic, collapsible trunk. The object is to catch as many butterflies in your little net as you can. Wholesome family fun jam-packed into two minutes or less. When the last butterfly has been caught, you turn off the elephant and count to see who has the most.

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Memo to Parents: We ALL Work Hard

Time for me to come clean about something. I have a little bit of stay-at-home mom envy. Just a little. It manifests itself at peculiar times. For instance, as a working dad I take great joy in picking up Peanut before the stay-at-homes have. Yes, it's completely irrational especially when you consider those kids get dropped off later than Peanut. Sometimes as much as an hour and a half later.

My Director and I have convinced ourselves that working makes us the best parents we could be. Still I find myself leaving work early, or skipping the gym or my run more often than not, and getting Peanut before my usual 5:45 pickup time. Peanut notices. She sees it's lighter out. She knows we have time to take a nice walk in the park with Luna, or watch a whole movie if she needs down time. And that matters to me.

Call it working parent's guilt. Because as much as I may believe we are providing her the best life we can, there are always doubts. But then I think about the few times I have stayed home with Peanut for a few days at a time, and it makes me shudder with fear. Granted, those were times during the summer when we keep her out of daycare to save money. So under normal circumstances, she'd be in school for a good part of the day. Still, the thought makes me tremble. I don't envy stay-at-home parents. I think they have the toughest job in the world. And this from a guy who is up at four every morning, going non-stop until his show is over at 11 in the very stressful, fast-paced, competitive field of network news. But being a stay-at-home parent is infinitely more difficult.

That's why when I heard what political mouthpiece Hilary Rosen said about Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, who stayed at home and raised five boys, I felt insulted on behalf of stay-at-home parents. Rosen said that Romney has "never worked a day in her life." Wow. Few things if any could be more insulting.

Rosen (left) insulted Romney (right)

Call it a poor choice of words or call it a calculated political attack. No matter what you call it, I'm going to put politics aside and take her comments at face value. First, I don't think anyone can argue that being a stay-at-home parent is hard work. And potentially nerve-racking. If you don't have a routine, or something planned, you find yourself staring at the clock at 11 a.m. wondering what the hell you're going to do for the next seven hours. And that's just me. With just one. For a day. 

Second, let's stop calling it a luxury when a parent stays at home. This isn't a job just for rich women. Just ask any family that chooses to forego some luxuries - a bigger house, a nicer neighborhood, a newer car, etc. - in order to have a parent stay at home. For the most part, this isn't a privilege. It's a choice. An economic choice. And a parenting choice.

I will concede that for perhaps some, Ann Romney included, staying at home is a privilege. But the Romneys weren't always rich. And yet she stayed at home. Maybe she had a nanny once money wasn't an issue. Maybe she didn't. We don't know. Maybe we'll find out eventually. But to dismiss a woman's role as a stay-at-home mom just because she's rich is also insulting. And wouldn't you welcome a helping hand if it were available? I know I would.

My Director and I often joke that we each don't think we could handle the stress of being a stay-at-home parent. True, on occasion we second guess our decision to both work, and to build a lifestyle based on a two-income household. Yet there's no regret. I fully support her career, and have even put my professional goals on hold the past few years because she had the opportunity to reach some of hers. But all things being equal, deep down if we could we both would jump at the chance to stay at home. I think a lot of us would. And that's even knowing how tough it is. 

For now we've built a life, a family, around two working parents. We both have two jobs, in fact. One of them pays the bills. The other pays great dividends.

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Class Warfare

"Teach your children well... And feed them on your dreams." -Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young

I rarely, if ever, get political in blog posts. After all, I am a daddy blogger. But something happened in the world of politics this week that falls into my genre. So I feel compelled to share my thoughts.

Vice President Joe Biden spoke at an elementary school in York, PA on Wednesday. He spoke to a group of fourth graders. And he chose this audience to push the President's agenda. He was selling a provision in the jobs bill that would have given $35 billion for state and local governments to pay for public jobs, like teachers and police officers. (As it turns out it failed in the Senate on Thursday.)

He told the students - 9 and 10 year-olds, mind you - that all he and the President want to do is "ask people who make a lot of money to pay a little bit more in taxes" to pay for teachers likes the ones at their school who lost their jobs. Just like that. He even held his thumb and index finger apart just a tiny bit to illustrate his point, and show how little extra these people with a lot of money have to pay.

Unacceptable.



The Vice President wants to visit an elementary school and talk about the importance of working hard, or the dangers of drugs and alcohol, or the value in service to country, that's fine. I'm all for it. Instead, what Mr. Biden did amounts to nothing more than propaganda. Filling the heads of children with one party's ideas. He had a captive audience, and this is what he decided to talk about? Inexcusable.

As a parent, I would be furious if my child were in that classroom. And before you start making assumptions about my politics, I would be just as furious if a Republican spewed right-wing talking points to a bunch of kids. I would be furious because no one's personal politics belong as part of the curriculum in a public school classroom. Just like no one's religion belongs there either.

Maybe some of those students went home and asked their parents about what the Vice President said. Maybe some of the parents offered an opposing point of view. Maybe some of those kids didn't say anything to their parents because they assumed what this very important man was telling them must be true. Maybe their teachers reinforced Mr. Biden's ideas after he left. Maybe THEY offered the opposing view. I honestly don't know.

But that's a lot of maybes. Maybe Mr. Biden should have chosen something else to talk about. Or read them a book.

When we start presenting political views to impressionable children who are incapable of questioning the presenter, that's propaganda. It's disturbing. It can't happen. It shouldn't happen. It's one thing for parents to teach their children their political beliefs. One could even argue that in itself is potentially dangerous. But that is a parent's right. It is not a school's or the government's right to deliver an uncontested political message to our children.

We all have our own political beliefs. They are different from everyone else's. We all approach the issue of teaching these beliefs to our children differently. Whether it's right or wrong, I don't plan to instill my daughter with my beliefs. I want her to have her own. I hope to present both sides of issues to her when the time comes, tell her which side I am on, and have her decide which side she is on.

And when she enters public school next year, I certainly don't want a teacher, administrator, or politician bringing their political beliefs into the classroom and presenting them to my daughter as fact.

What are your thoughts? I'd appreciate if comments were kept to the issue of politics in the classroom, and not the merits of a particular agenda.

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Gender Gap

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " ~Dr. Seuss

When you found out you were going to be a parent, what was the first thing you really wanted to know? Boy or girl, right?  Whether you found out before the birth or at the birth, that's the one thing we are all dying to know. (I personally don't see any point in waiting - but that's for another post.)

Now imagine being so excited about your baby boy or girl, loving and nurturing that child for three or four years, then sending them to a school that refuses to identify your child by gender. Nobody - not the teachers, not the principal, not the other students, refers to him or her as "him" or "her." A preschool in Sweden is doing this. They're referring to the kids as a group, as "friends."

Sorry, friends, I just don't agree.

While I also don't agree with enforcing gender stereotypes, I can't support flat out ignoring gender. What about potty time? Will everyone have to stand to pee? Or sit for that matter?

My daughter is being raised in a house where her father does all of the cooking and most of the kitchen clean-up. Her mother pays the bills and is better at fixing most things. It's up to the parents to teach their children that it's ok for boys to cook and girls to assemble patio furniture.

At her school, there is a boy whose favorite color is pink. There's nothing wrong with that. There is another boy who loves dance class. I find nothing wrong with that, either. Nor is it wrong that I carried my baseball cards in a purse when I was a boy. You can read about that here. Those kids are busting the stereotypes, and I'm pretty sure they're doing it all by themselves.

Even the inflatable pool is princes themed

But sometimes, the stereotypes find the child. We tried to avoid the whole princess craze with our daughter. Didn't introduce her to them, buy her any toys or books or show her any movies with princesses. We weren't making a political statement. We just felt like they were a little cheesy and a lot cliche'. Well, guess who is fascinated by princesses anyway? We've got the nightgowns and the books and we watch the movies all of the time and when she plays dress-up daddy has to be the prince or the king.

Her choice. Naturally.

This past weekend, we were headed to a birthday party for one of her classmates. The boy had chosen a Spiderman theme for his party. As we drove there, my daughter volunteered, "Daddy, I hope there are girl superheroes at this party, like Wonder Woman."

My Feminist Superhero

Our little women's libber, perhaps? We probably won't know for a few more years. But she did get a pink Batman painted on her face at the party. Sorry... Batgirl.

These are her politics, not her parents'. Not that we disagree with them. During dinner one evening late in October of 2009, my wife and I were discussing the race for governor in New Jersey, and we asked our daughter, "Are you a Democrat or a Republican?"

Halloween 2009



"I'm a cupcake," she answered, because that's what she was dressing as for Halloween a week later.

A cupcake. A princess. Wonder Woman. Sweet, strong, independent. All words that describe my daughter. All things she chose. Based on gender? Probably. Based on nature or nurture? I think mostly nature, with a little bit of unintended nurture.

Because I knew she was going to be a princess the minute I found out we were having a girl.

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