Monday, November 21, 2011

Rise and Shine

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere... I want so much more than they've got planned." -Belle from Beauty and the Beast

I have a bone to pick with Disney. A big bone.

This morning I opened my refrigerator to get me some unsweetened almond milk for my cereal. (Yes...almond milk. Lactose is one of several things I can't tolerate. bullsh1t is another.) That's when I caught her. Belle, and her dirty little secret. She may be the Peanut's favorite princess. But I have my doubts about how much princess she is after I surprised her with my pre-dawn breakfast run:

What the hell is this?!
Talk about morning wood. If I weren't so confused, I would have been impressed. I mean, she's awake and loving it. Just look at that smile on her face. Even more impressive when you consider she accomplished that in the cold climate of the fridge. What had her so excited? The almond milk? The Greek yogurt? Upon further inspection I noticed that when the door is closed, Belle is face-to-face with the butter. Whatever turns you on, sweetheart.

What is perhaps most bizarre about Belle's plastic-straw erection is that it's facing up, like the wrongly-repaired statue of David in The Goonies:
What the hell was the Disney design team thinking here? No matter which way you turn it, this cup is uncomfortably inappropriate. Put the straw in the back, and you're drinking out of her a$$ like the human centipede. In any other position, it looks like a catheter. Or worse, a colostomy tube. This is product design fail at its very worst. And my daughter drinks out of this cup. Requests it.

After this use, I'll be sure to bury this thing in the cabinet so it's out of the Peanut's sight and hopefully out of her mind. I just cant get it out of my mind. Just like Ken's bizarre mangina:


19 comments:

  1. Hahah...I saw a pic of a Buzz Lightyear cup too which is even more disturbing because you know Buzz looks all crazy creepy anyway. Ken's genitalia (or lack of) has always been disturbing. My daughter actually asked me why his private area was "smooth" like that. It isn't that she knows what is supposed to be there but moreso that something should be there.

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  2. LOL Both are very disconserting. All three, including Buzz.

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  3. Stop judging.... What Belle and Beast do behind the closed doors of his castle is no one's business!

    Sorry Justin.... it is very disturbing (there are some very disturbed individuals at Disney) and yet I can't stop laughing... I needed a laugh like this today.

    Dave

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  4. Oh my.....that's just....

    Yeah. Speechless.

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  5. You mean to tell me my warped mind - and yours - could spot this in an instant... but the Disney Imagineers missed it? But you're right... I shouldn't judge. Glad to make you laugh!

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  6. Thats a lot like my Jerking off Batman. Someone either puts a lot of thought into these or no thought at all.

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  7. Great. Now that you've added "Jerking off Batman" to the conversation, God only knows what google searches are going to lead people to this post. The possibilities are limitless.

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  8. I wish I could work somewhere that got to design this crap. You know someone was all "heh heh". and all, "you know parents will buy it no matter where we put the hole".

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  9. "Jerking off Batman" = thousands of Google hits = More followers! WINNING!!!

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  10. Ahahaha! Um, I'm not sure I'd trust that almond milk after it's spent the night with her.

    For some reason, Alice Cooper's Cold Ethyl is running through my head now...

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  11. HAHAHHAHAHAAHA Hobbs and I saw that bell... sippy cup (???)... at Target and had a good laugh about it! I love that it's in your fridge!!!!!! hahahahahahahaha

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  12. I don't understand how Belle got past Disney inspectors with a woody, but everybody freaked out about Pooh's lack of pants.

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  13. LOL! this just made my moring!!!xxx

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  14. I gave you an award! It's in today's post.

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  15. On the original little mermaid tape cover, there was a penis in the castle.I believe they "fixed" it eventually. I think if you work at Disney long enough, you have to to stuff like this to stay sane...

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  16. Yes! Someone brought this up when I originally posted this. It made for a fun exchange on the DKL Facebook page.

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  17. Nothing screams "Disney" like a princess with plastic morning wood.
    Between that and killing off all of the moms in all of their stories, it makes me think that you have to have some serious issues to work there! I wonder when they will put Psychopathland in between Tomorrowland & Tunetown.

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