Saturday, October 15, 2011

Prepare Yourself

"Without other people, we might as well be zombies." -from Zombieland


It's just a matter of time. It's inevitable, really. So you need to be ready. Still, you can plan all you want and when it does come, you can expect the unexpected. Because no amount of planning can prepare you for what's about to happen. And when it does happen - and it will - you have no choice but to deal with it the best you can. Do everything you can to survive.

Do you know what I am referring to?

I'm talking about two things, actually: having babies and fighting zombies.

Right now, both topics are front and center with me and my wife. That's how I came to recognize the eerie similarities. Think about it. You can read all you want on the topic, talk to as many experts as possible, watch training videos, and nothing can prepare you for the intense drama of the actual event.

They're both messy, dangerous, and unpredictable. Literally a sh!tshow.

We are scared of both. Well, I am scared of both. My wife isn't nearly as concerned about the zombie apocalypse as I am. Thus, I am more and more resigned to the fact that she will most likely be zombie fodder rather quickly when the time comes. She's actually told me she's ok with that. She says she doesn't want to live in a world that's overrun by zombies. So the love of my life is basically going to force me to make the painful decision to shoot her in her zombie head once she turns. Nice.

I told her I am a fighter. That I would do everything I could to survive, and to protect our family. I would turn our minivan into a zombie killer on wheels. But I also recognize the Peanut could be a potential liability. Her inability to be quiet when we need her to be will undoubtedly attract unwanted attention. As can her stubborn refusal to listen to simple commands on occasion, like leaving the lights off. All I need is for her to be in a difficult mood while a swarm of zombies is hovering outside of our quiet, dark, well-stocked hideout. This is why I am also sure Luna, who barks every time she hears something - anything - outside of our door might not make it very long, either. She's dead weight, and probably a goner. Sad.

Zombies are fresh on my mind because the second season of The Walking Dead premieres tomorrow night. I will have to DVR it because it is on past my bedtime. And because my wife is a scaredy cat, I will need to watch it when she isn't around. I told her we need to watch it together, as a study guide. She's a doubter who is not sold on the possibility (I say probability) of the zombie apocalypse. She's going to be very sorry one day.

But until that day, we continue to plan and worry about having a second child. A child that will once again turn us into zombies. It's inevitable.

But just for the record, there is no baby yet. Or zombie apocalypse, for that matter.

I linked this post to the Zombie Tuesday blog hop at Motherhood Truth. Click to check it out:

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19 comments:

  1. Make sure you liquefy the zombie brain. I suggest the M-32 grenade launcher, or if you want something smaller but powerful, a Smith & Wesson Magnum.

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  2. She says she doesn't want to live in a world that's overrun by zombies.

    Since I was young, I've dreamed of alien and zombie invasions alike. In one of my dreams, I was brokenhearted when my sister told me, "I don't want to live in a world where I can't study Old English."

    When I woke up, of course, I was laughing.

    I'm pleased to report she'd favor survival over Old English now. I'm not sure whether that has to do with her impending parental zombification round 1 or not.

    Looking forward to The Walking Dead. Debating posting an inappropriate photo of me and my then 10-month-old son visiting a scene recreation at San Diego Comic Con.

    We'll be in the zombie outbreak to win it, for sure.

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  3. Valerie, I never thought liquefying zombies would ever come up on this blog. And there you have it. Sounds like you're as prepared as could be. And Deb, something tells me my wife would rise to the occasion.she always does.

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  4. You had me at zombies!!! I would rather fight a mall full of undead than have a new born. Any day!

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  5. I prefer newborn babies. However should a zombie Apocalypse come to fruition I have at least one trained zombie killer (teenager has played C.O.D) flame throwers made from hairspray and blow torches may be necessary since I bet grenades will be near impossible to find

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  6. Just remember aim for the head, if you can't take their heads clean off it's a lost battle! If this ever happens over their and you need some backup, don't hesitate to call on me. I'll bring my Scottish warrior attitude over there and help you protect your loved ones lol!

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  7. Hey do you know about @MotherhoodTruth's Zombie Tuesday blog hop? You should add this link!! :o)

    Check it out: it's under Tuesday in my Blog Hop section: Blog Love
    Your button is in there too now!

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  8. BAHAHAHAHAHA!! Love this! My husband and I watch "The Walking Dead" together. We must be prepared!

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  9. My wife also refuses to watch Zombie movies & Walking Dead, leaving me to do all the research & planning.

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  10. I'm quickly teaching my 2yo the difference between a real person and a zombie. Next we'll learn head shots, and I'm sure he'll be a zombie killing master in no time. And by "in no time" I mean, Please God don't send zombies for at least 10 years.

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  11. HAHAHAHAHA! Love this!! Babies and Zombies DO have a lot in common. You might want to check out my guide on how to be a parent when the zombies come, some of those might apply to your wife so she doesn't have the option to just give up. Thank you for linking up! This is great!!

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  12. Zombies, schmombies. I have 5 kids - I can handle anything. Honestly, zombies would probably be easier.

    :)
    Amy

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  13. Hahaha!!!!! I'm obsessed with zombies. I swear the govemt has already been messing with that shiz! Although, when it happens, I think it will be more like The Crazies than resident evil or The walking Dead. I've actually mentally mapped our escape plan in an effort to survive the zombie apocalypse. They're right up there will aliens when it comes to my worst fears.

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  14. Came over from Zombie Tuesdays blog hop. :) Love your post. :)

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  15. I love your post! I admit to having an addiction to scifi/horror, and especially the zombie flix. For some reason, my wife just shakes her head when I watch them. She claims I'm screwing up our Netflix recommendation list with all my "weird" stuff.

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  16. Walking Dead got me thinking about zombie tactics, too. Though I do feel the comic is far superior to the show.

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