Prepare Yourself

"Without other people, we might as well be zombies." -from Zombieland

It's just a matter of time. It's inevitable, really. So you need to be ready. Still, you can plan all you want and when it does come, you can expect the unexpected. Because no amount of planning can prepare you for what's about to happen. And when it does happen - and it will - you have no choice but to deal with it the best you can. Do everything you can to survive.

Do you know what I am referring to?

I'm talking about two things, actually: having babies and fighting zombies.

Right now, both topics are front and center with me and my wife. That's how I came to recognize the eerie similarities. Think about it. You can read all you want on the topic, talk to as many experts as possible, watch training videos, and nothing can prepare you for the intense drama of the actual event.

They're both messy, dangerous, and unpredictable. Literally a sh!tshow.

We are scared of both. Well, I am scared of both. My wife isn't nearly as concerned about the zombie apocalypse as I am. Thus, I am more and more resigned to the fact that she will most likely be zombie fodder rather quickly when the time comes. She's actually told me she's ok with that. She says she doesn't want to live in a world that's overrun by zombies. So the love of my life is basically going to force me to make the painful decision to shoot her in her zombie head once she turns. Nice.

I told her I am a fighter. That I would do everything I could to survive, and to protect our family. I would turn our minivan into a zombie killer on wheels. But I also recognize the Peanut could be a potential liability. Her inability to be quiet when we need her to be will undoubtedly attract unwanted attention. As can her stubborn refusal to listen to simple commands on occasion, like leaving the lights off. All I need is for her to be in a difficult mood while a swarm of zombies is hovering outside of our quiet, dark, well-stocked hideout. This is why I am also sure Luna, who barks every time she hears something - anything - outside of our door might not make it very long, either. She's dead weight, and probably a goner. Sad.

Zombies are fresh on my mind because the second season of The Walking Dead premieres tomorrow night. I will have to DVR it because it is on past my bedtime. And because my wife is a scaredy cat, I will need to watch it when she isn't around. I told her we need to watch it together, as a study guide. She's a doubter who is not sold on the possibility (I say probability) of the zombie apocalypse. She's going to be very sorry one day.

But until that day, we continue to plan and worry about having a second child. A child that will once again turn us into zombies. It's inevitable.

But just for the record, there is no baby yet. Or zombie apocalypse, for that matter.

I linked this post to the Zombie Tuesday blog hop at Motherhood Truth. Click to check it out:

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