Pretty in Pink

"Yes, a purse. I carry a purse!" -Jerry Seinfeld

A smattering of pink and yellow

I'm looking in my closet, and I see a smattering of pink and yellow... and it's not coming from my wife's side of the closet. Shirts, ties, shorts (it's spring)... what does it mean?

It means I'm a trendy guy. Some may even say a trendsetter. More on that in a moment.

The "outrageous" JCrew ad

A debate is raging on the internet and the cable networks over a boy with his toenails painted pink. Oh, the horror. J.Crew used the image of a mother painting her son's toenails in an ad. Some people were offended and concerned that we're blurring the lines of gender identification in this country. "This is an attack on traditional family values," they said.

Give me a break.

Straight guy, yellow pants, pink tie

Take it from a straight married guy who, if you need to label, is a "metrosexual" who can't wait until Memorial Day so he can break out his pairs of orange and yellow pants: Sexual orientation is color blind. You can dip me in pink and it doesn't mean I'm gay... not that there is anything wrong with that. And so what if a kid - or adult for that matter - is gay?

What is wrong with people?

I admit it... I watch "Grey's"

Yeah... I wear pink. And pastels. I also enjoy manicures and pedicures, get my hair cut at a salon, and watch Grey's Anatomy (with my wife). I also cook, am bad at fixing things and have no problems sharing my feelings... in this blog. Should my parents be concerned?

Maybe it's their fault. I remember my mother being emphatic about dressing me nicely for school. Button-down shirts tucked into dungarees. Always a belt. Never jeans or sneakers. Did she make me this way? Did she make me love clothes? What the hell did she do to me?

Gastineau: definitely not gay

One day when I was in second grade she let me dress myself. It was a Friday. I wore a Mark Gastineau jersey untucked, jeans and sneakers. She was mortified, but allowed it. That is me... on the weekends. During the week, I'm all about finding the right shirt-tie-pants combo and matching my socks to my tie, my belt to my shoes.

I dress well and look good. Thank you, mom.

I also distinctly remember carrying what could only be described as a handbag when I was a little boy. You read that right. A handbag. You know what I carried in it? Baseball cards. I needed something to carry baseball cards in... and that's what I found. Like I said... trendsetter. I was the first guy to carry a man purse. It was 1981 and I was 6. But I also remember it not being so manly.

Shortly thereafter, I recall my parents getting me a football-shaped bag for me to carry my stuff around.

Loved Mr. Do

Were they worried I was gay? Or were they pretty sure I wasn't, but didn't want anyone else to think I was? Who knows? Who cares. It was a different time. And if a little boy wants to look fabulous carrying his man purse full of baseball cards while he rides his bicycle to the deli to play Mr. Do, then dammit... let him. He'll figure things out eventually.

Now, I'm pretty sure my parents would have never painted my toenails pink... and I think that's ok too. I also don't think I would endorse my wife painting our son's toenails any color... if we had a son... unless he asked. I would still be hesitant... but on second thought... why the hell not?

After all, my daughter's favorite color is blue... but I'm pretty sure that does not make her a lesbian.

Frank Sinatra sings a line in Soliloquy that is poignant yet may apply here in a troubling way:

"You can have fun with a son, but you've got to be a father to a girl."

Maybe I'm reading too much into that lyric, but I do notice a trend among some parents of boys. It may be inadvertant, but they treat their children differently based on gender. Girls need to be handled delicately. Boys we need to toughen up. I frequently hear baby boys and toddler boys being affectionately referred to as "my little man." How about we let boys be boys?

She swings a mean bat... while wearing a tutu

You never hear "my little woman." The peanut is my little girl. She loves princess dress-up, Calico critters, dancing, and pushing her babies in her toy stroller. All her choices. We've also given her soccer balls, footballs, basketballs, baseballs, and golf clubs. She likes to play with all of them too... during the appropriate seasons.

It shouldn't be our job to dictate who our kids are and who they will become. It's our job as parents to recognize the path they are leaning towards, and help them navigate it.

They're looking for us to help them figure it out... no matter what color their toenails are painted.

I mentioned above that I'm bad at fixing things. Well, that's not entirely true, as I wrote here.

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The End of the Innocence

"We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by, and the tall grass wave in the wind." -Don Henley

There is a fine line between sheltering your child and protecting her. I want to protect her for as long as I can.

Bad role models...

I don't want her to know about the bad things in the world just yet. The evil, the death, the trash on the show "Jersey Shore." Trust me... I grew up there. I'm proof you can survive the Jersey Shore but not become "Jersey Shore."

...good Halloween costumes

She's too young.

One day I came home from work and my daughter was watching a movie. It was a rainy day and she had had blood taken earlier in the day, so I was fine with her watching a movie. I wasn't fine with what she was watching.

"Tangled."

When this movie came out in theaters, we heard from some other parents that it was scary. That it had some adult themes.

"Tangled:" Appropriate for 4 year-olds?

But there it was, on my television.

I bit my tongue because my wife was having a stressful week at work and staying late for a third day in a row. I did this... for two days. (And I thought giving up chocolate for Lent was a challenge).

When I finally brought it up, nonchalantly, I told my wife my concern. She then revealed to me that she approved the movie. But why?

A few days later, at dance class, I was talking to a group of parents about "Tangled" as our daughters pranced and pirouetted in the next room. None of them seemed to think it was that bad at all. In fact, they all thought it was great for four year-olds. That night I watched it with her. We both enjoyed it. It was fine... except for the end, with the stabbing someone with a knife and the throwing someone else out of a window.

Am I being too protective?

Maybe. Maybe not...

In a year and a half, she'll be in Kindergarten. Then, first grade. That's when those rotten older kids will get a hold of her. Tell her there's no Santa. Tell her mommy and daddy are going to die some day. Tell her God knows what else.

The time for her to be carefree is running out. The time when her only concerns are what outfits she's dressing her Lammies in, how many green beans she has to eat to be finished, and what crayon to color with. I cherish this time and hold on to it tightly.

The treasure she unearthed

Later that same night that my wife and I had that conservation, my daughter was rummaging through one of our bookshelves. It aggravates us to no end when she sneaks into the guest bedroom and plays with our books because of the mess it makes and the potential harm she could do to one of the books. On that night her rummaging unearthed a treasure: a homemade bookmark from my nephew. He was four years-old at the time. My daughter's age now. It was inside a book that my sister - his mother - had given me for my college graduation. It was from a time where my nephew was still a blonde haired kid running around and making us laugh. Just like my daughter. Innocent. Perfect. Unaffected.

Now, he's the one in college. I almost broke down.

Trust me... no child of mine is going to be soft. But I'll keep her world as safe and peaceful as I can for as long as I can.

**We use this site to help determine whether a movie is age appropriate. It's says "Tangled" is ok... so maybe I'm just a big pain in the a$$: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/

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