A Bode in My Abode

"Fish and house guests smell after three days" -Ben Franklin

Those are words of wisdom from one of our country's founding fathers as we head into July 4th weekend. I wonder if he'd feel the same way about hamsters.


Bode in action

I never thought we would welcome a rodent into our home, much less feed it and play with it. Enter our neighbor's pride and joy, Bode the Hamster. We were pet sitting for the weekend.

The members of my family were spilt evenly when it came to being excited about our furry friend.

I have to admit, I was in the "anti" group. I'm not an animal person. I'm not against them, per se. I just don't like them. Especially furry little rats that pretend to be cute. How, you may be wondering, can I be against animals if I own a dog? Well, I love my dog. I. Love. My. Dog. My love for her borders on inappropriate. I am, however, not a dog person. I am a Luna person. She's my dog and I lover her.

It took my wife the better part of eight years to finally break me down and agree to get a dog.

So I don't gush over other dogs or any other animal for that matter. Coincidentally, the other person in my household who was anti-Bode, was Luna. In fact, she would take the widest route possible from the family room to the stairs just to avoid the hamster's cage when we were going up to bed. That's my girl. 

I didn't touch Bode all weekend. Neither did Luna.


Bode in his exercise ball

My wife and daughter were all in. I actually cringed and my stomach turned when they let Bode run around in the kitchen. As soon as they picked him up to return him to his cage, I was wet Swiffering the floor. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

My wife is an animal lover. She had a menagerie of pets growing up. She says she'd do the same for the peanut when she's of age. I say I will put up a fight with every fiber of my being.

When our neighbors came to retrieve Bode on Monday evening, the peanut was sad. She didn't want him to go, even though she mostly ignored him until it was time to let him out for some exercise. After we closed the door, some of my anti-Bode sentiments melted away. That's what a daughter's sadness will do to the most stubborn of dads.

I asked her if she wants a hamster like Bode, when she's old enough. She said no.

That's my girl.

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Basic Instinct

"I already have four animals... what would I want a dog for?" - My eloquently clever wiseass of a father, referring to his four children, every time one of us would ask if we could get a dog.

It is through parenthood we come to realize just how close we as a species are to animals. That's right. Animals. Think about it. All that separates us from dogs, for example, are thumbs. We have thumbs. We can pick stuff up.

If dogs had thumbs they'd rule the world. With an iron fist. Because they'd have thumbs.

Anyway... I came to this conclusion after receiving one of the most ridiculous voice messages in digital telephonic history. Despite my penchant for hyperbole, I think may agree.

As I'm walking the dog (it all comes back to dogs), I received a voicemail alert. My wife forwarded me a message she had received from day care since I was the one picking up our daughter that evening. "Hi, honey. School just called about an incident she had and I want to give you the heads up so you can follow up with them when you pick her up."

Isn't she cute how she uses terms like "follow up" with me, like I'm a member of her staff?

Since my wife was calm in her message, I knew this couldn't be that big of a deal. Then came the message from day care, "Hi this is Miss Diana. I just want you to know that everything is OK. You daughter is fine." They always lead with that - very smart. She continued, "There was an incident with another child. They were in housekeeping (a little playhouse area) and your daughter had a toy and the other child wanted it. When she didn't give it to him (Him? She's standing up to boys? Nice.), the other child bit her on the arm."

At that point, I'm thinking to myself, "what an animal." See? Animal. But wait until you hear what my precious little angel did in retaliation. Miss Diana then informed us in her message that she bit the other kid back.

That's my girl. You mess with the bull you get the horns.

Then the rational parent in me kicked in. Yes, there is one of those inside of me somewhere, sitting right across from the frat guy and the curmudgeon, disapprovingly shaking his head at the both of them. When the rational parent emerged, I thought to myself... who bites people? I know who. Animals. That's who. Poorly trained dogs. Overworked donkeys. A feisty mongoose. They bite people. So, apparently, do children. My child, in fact.

It is a basic instinct. Someone bites us, we bite them back. You bother one long enough, and even the most docile of dogs will snap at you. In this case, my daughter got under a little boy's skin so much that he tried to take a chunk out of hers. That was his natural reaction. And her natural response was to bite him back. Animals.

Both my wife and I tried our best to communicate to our daughter later that evening that even though someone bites her, it's still bad to bite them back. We made her make eye contact with us to ensure her undivided attention. We even put on our serious faces and used our serious voices. I think the message sank in. If that one didn't, we'll get another message from school some day.

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