Wednesday, April 4, 2012

To Catch a Thief

"Been caught stealin' once when I was five." -Jane's Addiction

This is an all points bulletin. Be on the lookout for a criminal mastermind. Her crime wave so relentless, police have littered the town with these posters:


Don't let the adorable smile fool you. I should have known this dame was trouble the first time I laid eyes on her. She's a slippery thief.

Accused of swiping  toys from the daycare playground. There are two instances that we know of. She's been caught tiny toy-handed twice with knick-knacks in her jacket pocket. And she's slick, denying any wrongdoing at first. But no detective worth a damn takes "I don't know" for an answer. Eventually, she confessed after a little questioning. She had no choice and revealed no accomplices. She apologized. To her mother and her teacher. Since she showed remorse, we let her off with a stern warning.

Then came the second instance. Just when we had let our guard down, My Director reached into Peanut's pocket and found two little toys again. The "I don't know" soon followed. Then the confession after a brief interrogation. And the remorse, and the apology to the teacher. 

But a repeat offender must be dealt with, swiftly and harshly. The prosecutor (My Director) has instituted a three-strikes-and-you're-out policy. Next time, a serious punishment will be handed down. 

She's known to disguise herself with pink superhero makeup, wear princess dresses, and is often seen accompanied by a dirty stuffed lamb she calls "Giada:"

Laughing it up on a recent getaway to Disney
Our suspect and "Giada,"
laughing it up on a recent Disney getaway
She often flees on foot, but is known to ride around on a purple Tinker Bell scooter. Last known whereabouts include the playroom, dance class, and any bathroom that her dad is trying to occupy. She's not armed or dangerous. But if you see this little menace or know of her whereabouts, please contact us immediately

You know I can't write a post, funny or not, about Peanut being a naughty, lying, thieving miscreant  without linking to one where she was amazingly GOOD, right? And honest? Click here to read it.


9 comments:

  1. I suspect it is a passing phase, unlike the smile she will give you for the rest of her life to get her out of any trouble she gets herself into when she's a teen. :)

    Now my son always checks the coin operated machines at the dollar store when we are there. The other day he found a toy that no one had taken. He pocketed it. Technically it was paid for and was not the property of the store....

    So, is it shoplifting? Probably not. More like finder's keepers. I confiscated it anyway because he didn't tell me about it until we got home.

    It's the gray areas of parenthood my friend... the multi leveled, highly shadowed, vivid technicolor shades of gray...

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    1. Very well put. Definitely a phase. Testing boundaries and all that. But one more slip up and we put an ankle bracelet on her.

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    2. Well, if the ankle bracelet is found necessary, be sure to let her Bedazzle it, okay? 'Cause there's nothing worse than the plain old gray ones. :)

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  2. Its just a phase. And if it isn't, then hide your wallet and your jewelry.

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    Replies
    1. If I didn't think it was a phase, this post would have probably been more serious

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  3. As soon as I saw the lyrics at the top of the post I was immediately reminded of the dude in the dress jamming a turkey under "her" dress. Nice.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for noticing. Great song. Great video. And could there be a more perfect lyric to reference at the top of a blog post about my 5 year-old stealing?

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  4. I'll keep my eye out for a sneaky superhero princess in pink. Thanks for the heads up.

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  5. I saw throw the book at her!! LOL! I teach 3 year olds for a living, and I've known some young cleptos in my day. Best to catch it while they're young! :o)

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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