Peanut was six months old when I took what I thought was the job of my dreams. I was the producer of the five o'clock news at the NBC affiliate in New York. A legendary newscast. Turns out, my dream job was a nightmare. Like any industry, mine has difficult people to work for and work with who made going to work a chore that I dreaded. Their lack of confidence in me eroded my own confidence. At one point in talking to my mom about it she said, "I've never heard you sound like this before." She was right. I was no longer myself.
|My little wonder and little helper|
One night during this period My Director and I were watching Meet the Robinsons for the first time. She had DVR'd it, thinking it might cheer me up because that scene with the dinosaur saying he had a big head and small arms always made me laugh when I saw the preview.
The last scene of the movie shows Lewis, the main character who is an orphan, going home with the parents who adopt him. Throughout the movie, he's trying to find the mom who left him at the orphanage when he was a baby. But the overriding theme of the movie is putting the past behind you, inspired by a Walt Disney quote, "Keep moving forward."
Lewis realizes the past he was chasing wasn't nearly as worth it as the future that was before him, and as he does, "Little Wonders" starts playing:
Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
That song came on during this emotional last scene and the lyrics grabbed hold of us. We both started crying. We didn't even hide it like you often do when you're watching a poignant scene with someone, even if that someone is the one person it's ok for you to cry in front of.
My Director carried me those ten months. It was only ten months, but it felt like ten years. And she carried me, just like she did after my dad died.
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the endPeanut doesn't know it, but she carried me too. This perfect little happy baby. She was so good and such a joy to be around. So easy to please and appease.
Meet the Robinsons is now one of Peanut's favorite movies. It's one of those movies we don't get tired of if she's on a streak of watching it consecutive times on consecutive days. She knows I love that part with the dinosaur. And she knows her mom and dad will always be there, helping her move forward when she's stuck in a rut. My little wonder helped me out of one of my biggest ruts.
Sometimes we get wrapped up in ourselves, in our issues, in whatever is plaguing us at that particular moment in time. And to a large extent, I did too. But I was still able to embrace our little wonder. Enjoy her. Be there for her. Because she was there for me.
All lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these little wonders still remain
Thankfully, I found another job at an unlikely place, producing a financial news program at a national network. And I've thrived. I've never been happier professionally. I'm still here almost four years later.
I have a playlist on my iPod with Peanut's name on it. Songs she likes. Songs I sing to her or used to sing to her. Songs that remind me of her. This song is the first one that playlist: