Friday, January 27, 2012

Sunroof to My Soul

“Too much knowledge makes the head bald.” – Russian proverb

I am about to address the third rail of blog topics. For me at least. I've touched on politics. Once. I've even mentioned religion from time to time. But never before have I discussed this. It's a serious topic for me. So just know that as you read on, you are witnessing and participating in a groundbreaking, earth-shattering, never-before-seen moment on DKL.

Mainly because I was in denial, and mostly unaware. I was ignoring the obvious and inevitable. But I am ready to talk about it now. So here goes... I am losing my hair.

There. I said it.

Yes, I am going bald. Until recently, I really had no idea how bad it was. That the top of my head looks liked a patch of burned grass that got too much sun during a heatwave. How could I know? I NEVER look up there. Denial.

I had my awakening after we had a family photo shoot in Central Park with a professional photographer. I'd never seen pictures of the top of my head until he emailed us the link with the proofs and saw this:

When the hell did that happen?! And why didn't this photographer try to get better shots of me... with hair? He couldn't shoot my good side?! (I kid, of course. The photographer was great.)

I remember watching some home movies a few years ago and a guy came into the shot. His back was to the camera but you could plainly see he had the start of what eventually would become a bald spot on his skull. Just a little dollop of nothingness. "Who's that guy who's going bald?" I mocked. HOLY CRAP IT WAS ME. And that was at least seven years ago.

My how far we've come....

In times like this, I find solace in the Peanut's perspective even though My Director has told me she thinks bald is sexy. (What else is she going to say?) The Peanut knows no different, actually. To her, I've always been this way. When she was a baby, no older than two years old, we were wrestling around on the floor. Toddler Peanut climbed on my back. I felt her stop. I felt her thinking. I felt her tiny finger tapping on top of my head.

"Daddy, why is there no hair right there?"

"Well some boys' brains keep growing even when they get big. And when their brains grow so much it pushes the hair out of the top of their head. Daddy is so smart, he's losing his hair up there to make room for his big brain." (I thought that was pretty clever off the top of my head - pun intended.)

Peanut thought for a moment then said dismissively, "That's silly, daddy."

It is silly to worry about these things. My dad was bald. Both grandfathers. My brother. Most of my first cousins. It's apparently a thing in my family. So I must accept it. But I won't go down without a fight:
$30 for a 4-month supply of the generic at Costco
If (when) I reach that hideous "hair island" stage by the time I turn 40 (three years from now), we're having a head-shaving party. Then again, My Director says I won't look good shaved because I "have a funny-shaped head." Nice. Another thing to worry about that I can't control.

I went through a similar awakening when I started wearing eyeglasses almost three years ago.


  1. LOL... sorry man. If it happens to me... I'm shaving it all.

    On a brighter note however... your quick response to Peanut was nothing short of brilliant

  2. Yes... and her response to me was even better.

  3. Lex Luthor is bald and he gives Superman a run for his money.

  4. My husband went bald, did the head shave thing and has loved it for years. And he's cheap to keep: no shampoo, conditioner, or hair products to make a combover 'stick.' And hey! No combover! Golden in my book!

  5. I wouldn't bother wasting your money on the Minoxidil, my hubster tried that to no avail. He's also looked into Bosley Hair Club for Men, and another one, one of them actually glues a weaved toupee to the head! Sheesh. His friend asks him why he's hanging on to his 'fantasy island.' Beklieve what your wife says!!! I love my man the way he is. And I've always thought his brain burns brighter than most and his hair just can't handle the heat :)

  6. I agree with your wife. Bald is sexy!

  7. Thanks to the "sexy" camp. I know I am fighting a losing battle. It's as if a metaphor for the zombie apocalypse is playing out on my head. Still, I must fight to the end. It, like baldness, is in my nature.

  8. Bald is sexy. My hubs says when his goes he's just buzzing it. Go with it. Don't bother with the Minoxidil, it's a waste.

  9. I feel your pain. I am also losing my hair and like you, I turn 40 in three years and have sworn to shave it all off. My wife says that if I want Bruce Willis or Jason Statham hair, I have to have the physique to go with it. Go #dadfit!

  10. One of the main reasons I learned Photoshop was to fix the hubby's bald spot in online photos. (He was devastated when he saw a pic of the back of his head!)

  11. I too am a brother of the scalp. I joke that I'm going to shave my head like Jason Statham. My wife says that I can go ahead and do that when I have a physique like him. Go #DadFit!

  12. @BloggerFather: My mom is upset enough that we joined an Episcopal church. @reallife You should outsource that work!

  13. HA! Welcome to the club, my friend. And you've got a virtual MANE compared to me! Enjoy it while it lasts!

  14. Umm. Above comment was me. Didn't mean to go ANON.


  15. I dread this. I just turned 31, and am seeing a little receding in the front. No sunroof for me... yet...

    Luckily my two boys have a lot of bald uncles. So if daddy starts losing his hair, it's simply to fit in with Uncle Jon and Uncle Billy...


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